A Warm Welcome: Stories of Belonging in Real Life Local Communities
Key Takeaways
Experiencing local community belonging happens when neighbors take care of one another and support each other, whether that be in everyday tasks or in major life events.
Local community belonging was often associated with feeling warmth, consideration, and generosity from neighbors.
A lack of local community belonging was most often experienced when neighbors and other community members had negative interactions with each other, often related to differences in identity and family structure.
Experiencing a lack of local community belonging was associated with feeling unwelcome, unwanted, and like an outsider in your own community.
Looking out for Each Other:
Local Community Belonging is Experienced as Neighborly Love
When asked to recall situations in which they had experienced belonging in their local communities, respondents often described having positive interactions with the people they encountered every day. These ranged from casual interactions with their neighbors, to feeling welcomed at local businesses, and enjoying community events and activities like festivals and block parties. Local belonging was the feeling of being a part of a community that supports and cares for you.
Overall, experiencing belonging in one’s local community felt like being connected and comfortable with the people around you. Respondents were moved by small friendly gestures like being waved at, or wished a good morning, and by being approached with warmth by people they didn’t know. Though these exchanges were often brief, they made lasting impressions. For example, this respondent shared an encounter:
I was at the post office standing in line and a woman started asking me questions as if I worked there. I told her that I didn't know the answer and an older gentleman standing behind me pointed at her and said, ‘she must be crazy.’ The next moment, he was standing next to her and she called him "honey." They were married! He looked at me and winked, and I started laughing so hard (which isn't like me). He was being playful, and I felt like I was part of an inside joke. (Woman, 51)
Another respondent recalled applying for a job. They said, “I went into my local bar and grill to apply for a cook position. Some locals and I said hi to each other and the owner came out and sat with me. I had never met the owner, but I was instantly hired and it felt good when a few of the regulars cheered” (Man, 43). Many respondents spoke to how meaningful even short conversations with neighbors are, such as “Every time my neighbor walks by with their dog, the dog runs up to me for a pet and the neighbor stops to chat. It is a really good feeling to know my neighbors are interested in me and my daughter. I feel fortunate to belong to this community” (Woman, 60).
Respondents frequently talked about feeling belonging when their community has worked together or supported each other. They described times when their neighbors shared vegetables from their gardens, worked together to clear snow, or helped each other to find lost pets and packages. These stories included acts of kindness, such as someone helping to jumpstart your car or doing community service together to beautify local parks, but also grander gestures like collecting money to install an accessible ramp for an elderly neighbor, organizing a graduation parade during the COVID lockdowns, and bringing meals to grieving families. One respondent shared this story of their community’s unexpected care, “My wife had dementia and wandered away from the house. My neighbors used their outdoor cameras, got in their cars, and searched the community for hours until she was located. Before that happened, the only interaction we would have was saying hello and waving to each other” (Man, 77). Another said, “We forgot to tell our neighbors that we were going on a two-week vacation. When they didn’t see us or any activity at our house, they had the police do a wellness check. It made us feel loved because someone was watching out for us” (Woman, 69).
Feeling like one’s neighbors looked out for each was an important aspect of local community belonging. As this respondent described, they felt belonging when, “A neighbor stood up for me to a racist person. They advocated for me. They used their privilege to help me. I was relieved and grateful because too many people don’t speak up” (Woman, 45). Unfortunately, not all neighbors are supportive. In the next section, we review what it feels like when your neighbors are openly hostile.
Hostility at Home:
Lacking Local Community Belonging is Experienced as being on the Outside
Lacking belonging in one’s local community was often experienced as feeling disconnected or like an outsider. Respondents described feeling like they were not welcome, unwanted, and often disrespected when encountering other people where they lived. Respondents described times that they experienced negative interactions with neighbors, school officials, business owners, and law enforcement. Those that moved to and lived in these communities struggled with feeling ignored, rejected, and often, unsafe.
Respondents that experienced a lack of local belonging often described living in communities that were more insular and reluctant to trust newcomers. These respondents described greeting their neighbors and being ignored, feeling lonely in their neighborhoods, and hurt by the receptions they received when they moved in. Some of these attitudes toward “outsiders” were made explicit, as this respondent said, “There is a general feeling of not belonging because I am not a native of my town. There is a saying ‘just because you were born here doesn't make you a native’” (Woman, 78). Others shared the impact on themselves and their children. For example, this respondent shared, “I moved to a very small, rural town where everyone knows everyone and they don't like ‘outsiders.’ Enrolling my kids in school was emotional because it was obvious I wasn't wanted in the town” (Woman, 39). Another said, “While taking my daughter on a walk, I saw some of my neighbors having a play date for their children. I had previously spoken to one of these neighbors about setting up a playdate with my daughter, but it hadn't happened. I felt left out, especially on my daughter's behalf” (Woman, 35).
Differences in identity and demographics often contributed to feelings of being excluded, or even discriminated against. When respondents were members of racial or religious minorities they described being stared at, profiled, and left out. For example, this respondent shared, “I'm not a member of the dominant religion here, so I feel almost shunned. It is a quiet, ongoing lack of social connection” (Woman, 59). Another respondent spoke about experiencing discrimination in a local bar, “I went into a bar wearing a kippah after having left an event at my synagogue. Someone started making antisemitic comments to me. I asked him to leave me alone and he got angrier that I wouldn't engage with him. Eventually, the bartender intervened and told him off, but it made me feel physically unsafe. It made me question the safety of Jews in my neighborhood” (Man, 30). Another respondent spoke about an encounter with law enforcement, “I was walking down the street with my two friends from school. The police pulled us over and asked us what we were doing in the neighborhood. They searched us and I felt like less than a person” (Woman, 21).
One’s family structure also affected community dynamics and how much belonging respondents experienced in their communities. Some events felt exclusionary if someone did not have a partner or children. For example, “There was a social gathering to which only couples were invited. I felt ostracized because I was not included. If it was a neighborhood social gathering everyone should have been invited” (Woman, 75). One respondent shared her struggles with infertility and the harm experienced in her community, “We are left out of events all the time in our neighborhood because we don’t have children. It’s happened with friends and neighbors too often to list. There’s lots of thoughtlessness when people ask why we don’t have kids with no regard for how sensitive the topic is. I feel left out, ashamed, and lonely” (Woman, 50). Another parent spoke to how disappointed they were with the beliefs held by members of their community:
While working on a mural at my child's elementary school, a parent and I were discussing local homelessness, and the need to truly help people, house them, etc. A third parent, not understanding what we were talking about, jumped in and began complaining about the homeless, saying they were disgusting, lazy, dangerous, and should be locked up. That parent then also began talking about how less money was going to ‘gifted’ programs her kids belonged to because they were giving more money to ‘special needs kids.’ Both of my kids have ADHD, and one is on the Autism spectrum, and receives special services. I was angry, hurt, and ashamed to be part of a community that might be identified with ideas like this. (Woman, 44)
Throughout these stories of lacking local community belonging, there was a consistent feeling that people around you just did not care about you or want you around. In communities where respondents felt a lack of belonging, they felt like their neighbors showed no concern for their well-being, inclusion, or even humanity, and put simply, it hurts.
Every time we leave our front doors and encounter a neighbor we have the opportunity to make someone’s day a little bit brighter and to make our community feel a little more special. We each have a role to play in creating communities where everyone can experience belonging. We invite you to consider how you can be more inclusive and kind in your community. Think about whether you could greet someone new or invite them to the weekend cookout. Even small gestures can go a long way to helping someone feel welcome and like they belong.
Thank you for reading. Check out the other stories in this series...
